My two most recent blogs have been downers, so tonight I bring you something new: A partial movie review about some magical dogs.
It is a partial movie review because I only saw 40 minutes of the movie while I was babysitting tonight. It is about magical dogs because that's what the movie was about.
Get ready for too many parentheses.
REVIEW: Miracle Dogs Too
At first glance, Miracle Dogs Too is your typical made-for-tv, keep-the-kids-busy-while-dinner-is-cooking kind of film. At second glance, as the opening credits play, it looks like it could be a worthwhile endeavor, due to the names Jaleel White (Urkel, anyone?), Lesley Anne Warren, and Charles Durning rolling across the screen.
You are wrong about both. There is nothing normal and run-of-the-mill about this film. There is also nothing good about it. The acting, story line and cinematography are so poorly executed that you cannot stop watching to save your life (and your eyes).
I watched this film while babysitting my favorite babies to sit, Riley (6) and Claire (5). They were enthralled as 10-year-old Zack, played by a 17-year-old young man (I'm sure of it) moves to a new town with mom, Paula, and moody, borderline goth sister, Sarah. The same time they are driving into Hope Springs in their minivan, another car is being stolen by Frank and Leo (hello to Jaleel White) for a reason that no one knows. Jaleel/Leo notices a cage with two cocker spaniels in the back seat, and Frank drives to a river so Jaleel/Leo can throw the dogs in. Thank goodness the man has a heart and just leaves the cage by a tree in the forest.
Later that day, our protagonist (Zack, btw) finds the cage in the woods. The dogs follow him home, and he hides them in a shed in the backyard. This shed is sort of a clubhouse. He puts a sign on it in the beginning after walking around and saying "wow" a few times. Zack wants to keep the dogs, but he has to keep them a secret because his sister is afraid because a dog bit her on the eye when she was little. She has a scar and wears dark glasses.
Here's what else is going on.
Paula works at a nursing home called "Rockin' Oldies". Yes. There is a mean nurse, played by Lesley Anne Warren. There is a "crazy" man who is dying, played by Charles Durningk. And there is a (hot??? not really) doctor played by a man who is trying for a mix between Fonzie and Jesus and it is not working out. You can tell that this man (Dr. Jeff) is going to be in love with Paula later. But, as LAW's character says, "Whoever heard of a doctor named Jeff?"
Also, across the street from Zack and his family is a hot guy who you can tell is going to later be in love with Sarah, the moody big sister. He would never like her in real life. She is a weirdo. And he is a hot basketball player. Not a good match. Yet.
Somewhere in there, one of the cocker spaniels cuddles up to a coughing woman. Then she stops coughing. I guess this is where the miracle part happens. And the two bad guys from before come in and out sometimes.
This is when it was bedtime.
But really, if you are going to call a movie Miracle Dogs, shouldn't the dogs get to do more than one miracle before the movie is half over???
Miracle Dogs Too, I give the first half of your movie NO STARS.
But I am going to see if you are on my Watch Insantly section on Netflix. Then we'll see if I have anything to add.
